


why do you write like you're running out of time?

by thatfangirlingfreak



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAYA, I Love You, I hope I still love me after publishing this, M/M, hope you still love me after reading this, this is mostly indirect jaya references and shitty writing tho oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-03
Updated: 2016-10-03
Packaged: 2018-08-19 07:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8195749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatfangirlingfreak/pseuds/thatfangirlingfreak
Summary: Luke writes beautifully, but loses his words when it comes to Calum.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [paperxvalentines](https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperxvalentines/gifts).



> As a birthday present to my bestest friend, I present a fic about cake writing shitty poetry about each other and avoiding the ~feelings~ talk. I hope it's good? Sorry if it's not? When is my shit ever good?

Calum wouldn't classify himself as a great writer.

He struggled to find the right words, and could never remember grammar rules for the life of him. Sometimes he'd pray that someone else would steal his idea and write it for him.

Like that boy in his English class. He was certainly a better writer than Calum.

Well, okay...Calum never got to like, actually read his stuff. But he sat in front of him and sometimes–if he angled his head the right way–he could see just past the mountain of blonde hair and read his writing.

Every sentence that boy crafted was a masterpiece in Calum's eyes. (At least, the ones he managed to read.)

Which is probably weird to say, considering he never had the guts to speak to him yet. But the blonde boy was pretty, and so far admiring him from afar was working out. He wouldn't want to ruin their non-existent relationship with words.

Calum shakes his head, clearing away all thoughts of that one lanky kid that will never even spare him a second glance. What stupid thoughts to be having when he's supposed to be working on an essay. It was the whole reason why he came to the library, for god's sake.

The Maori male snakes a hand down into his bag to find his keyboard. It's one of the Bluetooth ones that can get pretty pricey, bu-

"Ah, shoot!" Someone shouts, breaking the silence in the school library. Immediately, the person is shushed by everyone nearby.

Calum looks down to see a boy on the floor, and helps him up. "Sorry," He whispers to the people that chastised him, before whispering a 'thanks' to Calum.

"Are you alright? Quite a nasty fall there," Calum chuckles quietly.

"Yeah," The boy is straightening himself out, running a hand through his blonde hair. "It's my fault. I'm clumsy and tall, which just adds up to disaster." He finally looks at Calum and smiles. "I'm Luke, hi."

He can't believe his luck. It was the English kid. "Uh, I-I'm Calum. I sit behind you in Mr. Alexander's class, I think."

"Oh right! I knew I recognized you from somewhere. I just never knew your name...my apologies," Luke blushes. It's completely adorable and Calum is helpless.

"No worries, I didn't know yours either. Are you here to work on the essay too?"

"I actually finished mine already...such an overachiever, right?" Luke laughs. "I just like to read and be surrounded by books. It's comforting."

"Understandable," Calum nods. "So, you must like writing then?"

"Yes, I really love it. I think I'd like to major in something of that realm. My parents would prefer it if I was a doctor or something, but being an author is my real passion."

"I think you could make it big as an author, honestly," Calum says sincerely.

"Really?" Luke asks. "How do you know?"

Fuck. "I...I don't. No one really does because life is unpredictable and shit, but that doesn't matter. You seem pretty set on following your dream, and that's half the battle. So...yeah."

Luke is smiling at him, eyebrows furrowed. "You're a deep thinker, Calum."

"Eh, not really. That was kind of me bullshitting on the spot to be honest."

"Well, you're good at spouting bullshit then."

"You mean bull...shoot?" Calum jokes.

"What?" Luke gives him a confused look.

"You said shoot instead of shit when you fell," He explains. "How innocent of you."

The blonde laughs, shaking his head. "Oh my god. Why haven't I talked to you sooner?"

Calum smiles. "I don't know. Maybe you just couldn't find the right words."

\-----

"Nice to see you again," Luke says, sliding into the desk in front of Calum.

"Always a pleasure, Hemmings," He grins.

"How'd you know my last name?"

"Saw it on the test on your desk," Calum gestures to the paper on Luke's desk. "Nice 100, by the way."

"You're smart..." He trails off, before attempting to snatch Calum's test off his desk.

"Nope, you're not gonna get my last name that easy!" Calum covers his test with his arms. "Use your brain for that one."

Luke rolls his eyes. "Fine. I-"

"Alright class, settle down!" Mr. Alexander steps into the room. "Before we embark on today's journey, I have an announcement. You are all required to write a poem using one of the techniques you learned in this unit. Other requirements will be found on the rubric, which I will hand out at the end of class. I want them to bring me to tears, make me laugh, anger me, and whatever other emotions you wish for your readers to have. Make them beautiful!"

Calum taps Luke on the shoulder. "Do you like writing poetry?"

"I love it," He grins.

"Great. Wanna write me a poem along with yours?" Calum jokes.

"Shut up," Luke rolls his eyes. "You suck."

"That's right," He winks.

"Sicko," The blonde mutters.

"Mr. Hood and Mr. Hemmings? Would you mind ending your conversation and joining the rest of the class, please?"

They nod in shame, and Calum watches as Luke's ears turn into a deep shade of red. He focuses on Mr. Alexander again.

However, he is soon distracted by a light blue post-it note being put on his desk. Calum picks it up discreetly and reads the delicate, pretty cursive writing.

' _So...Hood, huh? That last name is pretty good. -Luke_ '

Calum smiles, shaking his head. What a dork.

\-----

"I officially cannot write poetry," Calum groans quietly. He rests his head on the table in defeat, curly hair splayed onto the flat top.

Luke giggles, taking a seat at their usual library table. They've been coming to this spot during lunch this week, as neither of the boys took a liking to the crowded cafeteria. They can't even eat in here, but they don't mind.

"First you can't write a last minute essay, and now you can't write poems, even when Mr. A said it could be about literally any subject," Luke teases.

"Ugh, don't make me feel worse about myself!" Calum whines. "It's harder when there are endless topics to choose from."

"Poor indecisive lil' Calum," Luke shakes his head, amused. "Whatever shall he do?"

"You make me sad, Luke," He pouts. "What are you doing yours on then, asshole?"

"Well, for starters, it's not going to be about assholes."

"You're a loser and I hate you," Calum huffs, hitting his mechanical pencil against the wooden table.

"You love me," Luke winks.

"In your dreams, maybe. You should write your poem about how you long for me."

"Maybe I will. Then I will be writing a poem about assholes."

"Why did I decide to be friends with someone so rude?" Calum grumbles, making Luke laugh.

"So we're friends then?" The blonde asks.

"Of course, dummy."

And Luke can't remember the last time he smiled so hard.

\-----

Calum hums to himself, trying to figure out a word that would fit in the exact spot of the sentence. Poetry was kind of similar to the silly song lyrics he'd write sometimes.

It was kind of similar to the stuff that came to mind when he looked at Luke.

No! He shook his head, attempting to clear it. They were finally friends now, and he couldn't ruin it by having a crush on his friend. Luke would think he was so weird.

He would just have to deal with swallowing the butterflies he got when the boy came around.

"Got the poem figured out yet?" Speak of the devil, look who showed up.

"Sort of," Calum sighs. "It's coming along. Will you read what I have so far? I don't want it to sound bad, even if it's not the final product yet."

Luke nods, and he hands him the paper.

 _I feel invincible, I could stay with you forever, protected by these walls._  
When I'm with you the world just falls.  
Everything is meaningless except you.  
I feel a kaleidoscope of colors in my chest, all except blue.  
The blue in your eyes, that's all I need.  
I don't need anyone else, with you I am free.  
You're mine, and it might be meant to be.

_Everything is meaningless._

_Why'd you stop your calls?_  
_Why did I have to be the only one that falls?_  
 _We weren't meant to be._  
 _There is no destiny._  
 _I only feel blue._  
 _I don't need anyone, don't want anyone, except you._  
 _I miss your eyes and the secrets you shared._  
 _Now I can't look at stars without thinking about you, but no one cared._  
 _Everything changed when you came._  
 _But now you're gone, and the world hasn't paused, it's all the same._  
 _Maybe that's the worst part of it all._  
 _Maybe the worst part is that_  
 _I feel invisible, staying in this room forever, suffocated by these walls._

"Goddamn, Cal," Luke mumbles after he finishes the poem. "You are a deep one, aren't you?"

"I love to get as deep as I can," He winks, earning him a punch in the arm. "But seriously, did you like it?"

"I think you've got a way with words. It's beautiful."

Calum blushes, hoping that it doesn't show up too much. "No, I-I really don't. Thanks though."

Luke has a puzzled expression painted on his face. "What? You can't be serious, that was so awesome! You're incredible."

The praise only makes his heart beat faster. "Thank you, Luke."

"No problem. You're good at writing, give yourself some credit."

Calum doesn't know how to respond without being too self-deprecating. "So what are you writing about, then?"

"Good question...I'm not really sure yet. I was thinking of an abusive relationship or a divorce or something," Luke shrugs.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion. "Have you ever experienced those things?"

"Well, no. Obviously," The blonde replies, equally as confused.

"Poetry is better when it comes from the heart, Luke. You should write about something real," Calum says. He secretly would really like to know what goes on in his mind, what he feels.

"...I don't know, I'm not very good at writing something too personal." He looks uncomfortable. Calum regrets saying it, and immediately tries to bring them back to normalcy.

"That's perfectly okay. It was only a suggestion. I didn't mean to make you feel forced to write anything, sorry."

Luke is a little amused by Calum's desperate need to apologize, but mostly appreciative. "Thank you, Cal." He pulls out a bottle of Pepsi and his lunch.

"Sneaking food into the library, huh? What a reb- _hey_!"

"What?" Luke asks.

Calum pulls out a bottle of Coke and sets it on the table. "This means war, rebel."

"It tastes better!" Luke whines.

"I disagree, Luke Skywalker. Get it? Because there's that Star Wars Rebels thing...or are there rebels in Star Wars? Whatever, you get the idea."

"Oh my god, have you even watched Star Wars?"

"...No. But the pun was pretty good."

Luke shakes his head, feeling his heart swell for the pretty boy across from him.

\-----

Today was not a good day for Luke.

He knew it wouldn't be from the moment he woke up, with his mum yelling and complaining about something that didn't matter. It continued when he got to school and his teacher scolded him for not turning some homework in, even though Luke swore he did.

Then in math, a kid called him stupid for making a low grade on their last test. He knew it didn't matter what some idiot said about him, and it didn't define him, but he was still hurt. He was hurt again in French, when someone made snide remarks about sexualities and gender.

Luke has known he was gay since he was twelve, and came out to his family at age fourteen. He has never faced much discrimination for it directly, as no one really bothered to pay attention to him. He may not be exactly open about the matter, or most matters, but it still hurt to hear those vile words.

By lunch, he kind of wanted to erase today from his memory.

So when he went to see Calum, the only person that really brightened his day, he was not in the best of moods.

"Hey Luke!" His best friend gave him a grin. He was sitting in the same plastic purple seat he always sits in, with the blue one across from him empty. Luke likes to think that this is because he told Calum his favorite color was blue one time.

But he's probably wrong. Cal probably doesn't remember it.

"Hi," The blonde responds, not returning the smile. Calum feels as if something is off.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Calum knows this is a lie, but doesn't want to pry if Luke doesn't want to talk about it. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," He replies, reaching in his bag for his lunch. They sneak food in together now, and haven't been caught yet. Suddenly, Luke groans.

"What's wrong?" The brunette asks, taking a bite of his sandwich.

"I forgot to bring a drink."

Calum smiles. "That's okay, I got it." He pulls out a Pepsi. "For you."

Luke picks up the bottle. "How did you...?"

He blushes. "I accidentally bought one at the vending machine when I pressed the wrong numbers." He definitely didn't buy one just because he was thinking about Luke and his stupid love ~~for Calum, maybe~~ for Pepsi.

"Thank you, Cal. You're the best." It didn't fix what happened today. It certainly didn't fix the little depressive episode Luke had later that night, but it did make him smile.

It made him realize that he really liked Calum, and for those few minutes with him, everything felt okay. There were still good things in his life, even if he was depressed sometimes and couldn't control it.

Even if his heart beat a little too fast for his best friend, and he couldn't control it.

\-----

"May I remind you, class, that the poems are due next week," Mr. Alexander said, standing at the front of the classroom.

Shit, Luke thinks. He'd put it off for a while, thinking he had a good chunk of time left. Poetry always took him a while to write, just because he always wanted it to be perfect. Now he'd have to dwell on a topic and-

"Have you finished yours?" Calum whispers in his ear. It sends a slight tingling sensation throughout his shoulder and down his spine. Maybe those are what 'sparks' feel like, like that one Taylor Swift song...

"Nope," He sighs.

"Luke...I told you to get it done," Calum reprimands.

"I know, I know. I just lost track of time, that's all. I swear I can finish it."

"Okay. I sometimes worry about you, y'know. Don't let me get anxious about you and me."

He worries about you. Heworriesaboutyou. He is concerned for your well-being. He cares about you. Maybe he likes you back. Maybe he love- "Don't worry about me. I'm alright, Cal. I can take care of myself."

"Okay," He says wearily. "But as your best friend, do I still get to be a little concerned?"

Luke chuckles softly. "Sure. As my best friend," What a horrible term. "You deserve to be slightly worried about me."

"Good, I'm glad we could make an agreement," Calum grins and pats Luke's cheek, slumping back in his own seat.

The touch leaves sparks again, and Luke can't stop thinking about his touch for three classes straight. Maybe he should be a little worried that his feelings for Calum are only increasing.

\-----

"So, have you and that Calum boy gotten together yet? You talk about him all the time."

"Mum," Luke groans, embarrassed. He just wants to eat his dinner, then escape to his room and call Calum so he can listen to his beautiful voice for a few hours. "No."

She laughs at her son's reaction. "Alright, sorry for prying. You're not an open book, I understand. Just like your father..."

Luke stops listening to his mother ramble and thinks about Calum's smile instead.

Maybe he does talk, and think, about him entirely too often.

"Thanks for dinner Mum, I'm gonna go do homework!" He says, dashing up the stairs to his room.

"Okay, don't work too hard!"

Luke sits at his desk, pulls out a sheet of blank paper, and thinks about a topic for the poem.

After five minutes he can't stop going back to Calum's words in the library, when he told him to write from the heart.

Maybe he should take his advice...

\-----

"Why do you write like you're running out of time?" Calum asks when he sees Luke in the library, scrawling away on paper.

"No reason..." Luke grins cheekily, dimples prominent.

"You finally got a topic for the poem, didn't you?" Luke bites his lip. "Let me see!"

The blonde clutches the paper close to his chest. "N-no."

Calum pouts. "What? I let you see mine. You don't have to be embarrassed Lukey, I'm not that good of a writer. I won't judge y-"

"No. Y-you don't understand, Cal. I-I..." His pale hands are shaking slightly now, and he tries to hide it from his best friend by holding the paper tighter.

"I don't understand? I thought I was your best friend, Luke. I thought you and I understood each other more than any two people in the world. Now...now you think I can't understand you? Did I do something wrong? How...what made you not trust me?"

Luke wants to tell him, wants to spill all his secrets. But... "I trust you, I do. But I can't-"

"Alright. I understand," Calum spats bitterly. "I'm not worthy enough to know."

"Cal...please don't do this."

"No, I'll go. It's fine. I may have no other friends, but at least I won't be wasting my time with someone who doesn't really want to be my best friend. I can't believe that I actually thought you liked me."

Luke is beginning to breathe faster, and doesn't want to lose his best friend. His heart aches, his chest feels ripped in half. Why did he have to go and ruin everything? "Calum, please, please!"

"I'm sorry for whatever I did, Luke. I'm sorry." A tear rolls down his tan cheek. "Even though this is your fault, I still can't stop apologizing, goddammit."

His words are sharp and biting, and it stings Luke. "Please..." He whispers, the only word he can manage to get out.

"Goodbye, Luke. I'm sorry." Sorry for ~~falling in love with you~~ everything, Calum adds on mentally, and leaves him behind.

Luke hides in the section of the library where no one goes, no one cares, no one looks for anything in. He sits in a ball and sobs for the rest of the day. He is invisible now, hidden by four bookshelves.

He feels utterly alone.

\-----

"Luke, why haven't you come down for breakfast?" His mum inquires, knocking softly on his door.

"I-I'm not going to school today," He says, wrapping his blankets around him tighter.

"Oh? Why not?" She frowns. "Are you okay, sweetie?"

"N-no. I'm...sick."

She doesn't believe his answer, but knows that it's useless to force him to go to school. "Alright. I'm off to work. Will you be okay by yourself?"

"Yes," Luke says. He won't really be okay, of course. But she doesn't need to know.

He thinks about Calum. It's all he's thought about since yesterday's fight. Why couldn't he open up to him? It shouldn't be so hard. They were best friends. He...he loved Calum. Why was he so afraid?

He just couldn't get the words out. How could he tell him? How could he tell Calum about his feelings?

Luke glances at the paper on his desk.

Maybe he hadn't run out of time, after all.

\-----

When Luke shows up to school the next day, he feels like the paper is just burning in his backpack. It's all he can think about.

This poem could fix it all, maybe. His hopes are high, but then he enters Mr. Alexander's classroom.

Calum does not spare him a glance, not even when Luke softly says, "Cal?"

It hurts him. It does, but Calum knows that he can't look at Luke right now. He feels sick to know that his best friend won't tell him anything. Maybe he had another, better best friend. Maybe he doesn't actually care about Calum. There were a thousand scenarios and probabilities running through his mind, each of them more painful than the last.

Luke frowns, and feels tears fighting to escape his blue eyes. He sniffs, quickly wiping them away with his grey sweatshirt sleeve. He knows that when he goes home and he's safe underneath his sheets, he'll let all his emotions go.

For now? It's whatever. He'll just bottle up the pain like always. That always works.

He turns in the poem, and doesn't think about it until he is in bed that night, crying into his pillow.

\-----

Luke watches Calum become friends with other people. He has slight popularity now, being friends with Michael Clifford, some jock kid that has status in their school.

The blonde boy stays alone, choosing to spend his days in the library and avoiding everyone.

A boy named Ashton tries to befriend him, and starts walking with him between classes. It's a sweet gesture, but Luke feels like he doesn't treat Ashton well. He's much too sad and thinks about Calum all too often.

Time passes by fast without his best friend by his side.

Everyday his heart seems to break a little more, but he'd never say such a thing. He needs to deal with it himself and move on.

There's no point in opening up to anyone else if the one person you care about most shuts you out of their life.

But Luke can't blame Calum for leaving him alone. Who would want to be friends with someone like him?

\-----

It's the end of the year now, and Calum is thankful.

This year was hell and he wishes he could forget it all. Yet, at the same time, he doesn't want to let the memories go.

Luke's image is imprinted into his brain, and he still stares at him longingly during their classes. Even in Mr. Alexander's class, when it's only the back of his blonde head he's looking at.

Which is exactly what he was doing now as they sit in this English class for the last time this school year.

"Alright everyone! As it is the last day of this school year, we're going to end it by doing something fun." The class cheers at their teacher's words. "We're going to read those poems you guys wrote at the beginning of the year aloud!" The class groans.

Luke freezes. No. He couldn't. That meant...that meant actually revealing it all to Calum. No. No.

He watches as Mr. Alexander calls people up to read their poems. He can't even focus on the words. He's panicking internally, turning even paler than usual.

Calum even goes up there to read his, but Luke is so busy shaking with nerves that he misses how the other boy directs his poem to him, staring at his blue eyes intensely.

"Luke Hemmings?"

He takes a deep breath, nearly stumbling on his way up to the front of the room.

"I-I...is there anyway I don't have to read this aloud?" He asks Mr. Alexander.

"Luke," He whispers. "It's a great poem. You'll do fine, I promise."

The blonde gulps, and takes his place at the front of the room. All eyes are on him, so he shuts his for two seconds, inhaling slowly and deeply. The paper is visibly shaking in his hands.

Time had run out for him, and it was now or never.

"'Why do you write like you're running out of time?' You asked me, on that day. 'Your letters are slanted, and they never look that way.'

I smiled and said nothing back. For I was writing about you, and I dared not slack.

Sometimes I wish to savor your words in a bottle, simply because your sweet whispers send my heart into full throttle. I would never waste these phrases, for without them I'd be sent into dazes.

I know I cannot always express this, but please know that my love is true. My dearest, my heart will always belong to you. Please don't be blue if I cannot say it aloud, because deep down I want to shout praises of you in front of a crowd.

You may sometimes wonder why I am unable to speak. It is because the thoughts of you in my head have me so weak. I cannot explain it or comprehend these feelings sometimes, but you are forever on my mind.

Even if I had enough words, I would still not be able to describe how your smile lights me up inside. Even on my darkest days, you manage to make me feel okay. Even if I cannot say it, I hope writing will suffice.

Because, my love, this is everything I didn't say to you. These letters I saved for you may not be enough, but I didn't know what else to do.

I've now run out of time. I hope you'll still want to be mine."

Luke finishes the poem, hands still shaky. He makes eye contact with Calum. The best hue of brown he's ever seen is finally meeting his pale, pathetic blue color. The bell rings in that exact moment.

He hands the paper back to Mr. Alexander, who flashes him a wide smile and thanks him for sharing the piece. When Luke looks back up, Calum is gone.

Time really had run out for him.

\-----

Luke tries to blink back tears as he walks to the library. He had forgotten his pencil bag in there by mistake.

He tries to wipe his eyes dry before opening the doors. It's the beginning of summer and he's already crying. Pleasant.

Once inside, he sees Michael and Ashton talking in the corner of the building. At least someone got a happy end-

Before he can finish this thought, his back is pressed against a bookshelf.

"Cal-?" He whispers, tears already threatening to return.

"Was it about me?" His best friend whispers, brown eyes glassy. Had...had Calum been crying too?

"I-I..."

"Luke. Was it about me?"

"Yes, I wrote all of it for you. Every line, every word, I...I meant it all. You probably hate m-"

Calum silences him with a kiss, cupping Luke's face in his hands. The blonde is taken aback, but begins kissing him back.

"I can't believe you really wrote that for me. Thank you for opening up to me."

"I wanted to be yours, that's what I couldn't tell you. I'm sorry it took me a while to say it," He says.

"You are mine now, I swear. Don't apologize. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did."

"It's okay now, Cal," Luke smiles, running a hand through his curly hair.

"God, I missed you so much," Calum confesses, pressing a soft kiss to Luke's forehead. "Even your obsession with Pepsi."

Luke giggles as Calum presses a kiss to his neck. "I missed you too. And Cal?"

"Yeah?"

"My poems and taste in sodas are way better than yours," Luke smirks.

"I know, love," Calum rolls his eyes fondly, before kissing his beautiful boyfriend again.

And it felt like time stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> WHAT A RIDE. WHAT A BAD ENDING.
> 
> in all seriousness, happy birthday Maya. you are probably one of the best people on this entire planet and I could not be more grateful to have you in my life for another year (lowkey almost tearing up I need to stop). 
> 
> love, your bffl,  
> Jayden xx


End file.
